We just arrived home from a delightful absolutely perfect Thanksgiving holiday weekend. It’s been a busy month with lots of travel for work but this was all play and no work. We spent the time with my brother and his family in Easton Maryland.

It was beautiful. The first few days were warm weather and then the cold hit in the middle of the day on Thanksgiving. My family and my brothers family traveled an hour and a half to Ocean City Maryland to spend the day with my sister in law’s brother and his family. Their home is like a bed and breakfast on the water and with about 10 kids under the age of 8 running around, the day was full of activity. We had dozens of dishes to choose from along with all of the traditional holiday fare.

Just being with my brother and his family was such a great time. Each of us must have had about 5 super long, ridiculous belly laughs a day. We laughed at the stupid inside jokes that were from years past and silly things we did and said to each other that no one else in the world would get. We talked about serious things such as raising children and how to keep a marriage alive and well. We shared our opinions and our beliefs, and we tried to find solutions to any of the problems that we were facing. We shared business ideas and successes along with our failures.

We watched the kids enjoy hours upon hours of playtime together and we pulled them apart when they had melt downs. We got to go see the cousins at swim practice and run in a 5K the day after Thanksgiving. We went shopping for Black Friday at 5am at Walmart, and we fell asleep while watching silly movies in front of the TV and the warm fire. We opened presents and saw the joy that the little ones felt at their new gifts. The older kids, the teens, contained their enthusiasm, but were equally thrilled with receiving early Christmas gifts. I made sure the whole family was outfitted in Auburn University wear, and that their two teens, who are swimmers, now own Auburn Swimming wear.

Over the week, We cooked together, we laughed together, and we shared. It was a week of lots of down time, and lots of issues were discussed and solved. Together in each of our own way, we touched each others lives, hopefully for the better.

Each time we spend time with our relatives, memories are created. They’ll last a lifetime, and the discussions and decisions that are made as a result, will have life time implications.

I’m so grateful that we have a place to go where drama is nil, and the fun is a priority. It’s a blast to not have to put on airs and to talk about what really matters most in life. It’s comforting to know that if there are problems and concerns that there is a place to really talk to figure it out.

It’s important to nurture relationships like these. It’s expensive to make the effort but costly not to. These relationships make life solid and grounded. It’s family that have known you for your whole life and who know the good and the bad parts of you, and who accept you anyway. Even when there is friction, there is comfort to know that it can be gotten through without any long term damage.

Family matters; especially in this very busy life that we all lead. It’ nice to slow down and to just “be” and to be accepted and to accept others just as they are.

I’m so glad we made the investment because truly, Family does matter!

This was part of a letter that I wrote to a good friend who is entering 10th grade in high school this year. He shared with me that he has a “thing” for a gal and he’s not sure if she feels the same. I remembered all of those feelings of uncertainty and realized that as I aged, I looked back and wished I would have known a few things. That’s when I decided to write him and share some of my “wisdom” with him.

“Believe me.. you’ll fall for so many people over the course of the next few years. And it’s funny b/c the time goes SO slow when you’re your age.. and if you date someone for 2-3 months it seems like an eternity.. but when you look back after you graduate from college or whatever.. when you’re 25 years old.. you’ll think.. oh my gosh.. where did the time go? You’ll be 25 before you know it! And you’re not going to change really from who you are now.. you are who you are… I still feel the same as when I was 15.. but I’m SO much wiser now… I wish I knew now what I knew then..

Stuff like: all of the kids are scared and nervous.. just the same as you.. and feel great some days.. horrible others… and to feel good is a choice.. that you have to choose every day to put on a good attitude.

That working hard will NOT kill you.. physically.. it won’t kill you.. and mentally.. it wont’ kill you.. and it feels GREAT to really, really work hard and do a job well done.

I wish I would have known that if a teacher sees you trying really hard and working hard.. they’ll sometimes bump your grade up for the effort you put in.

I wish I would have shared my feelings with more people… and told them they were special to me..

I wish I could have known that you can divert your love feelings and pour your energy into friendships and doing productive things instead of day dreaming all of the time.

I wish I would have known that falling in love can hurt like nothing you’ve experienced before

I wish I would have found an older mentor to talk to about all of the confusing things in life

I wish that I would have studied harder.. not just crammed for tests, and have gone for a masters degree early on…

I wish I would have known that many of those guys I had a crush on.. had a crush on me too but no one had the guts to say anything..

I wish I would have branched out and done more stuff in high school… and held more leadership positions.

I wish I would have never been intimidated by anyone.. and if someone acted ugly to me.. I could just feel sorry for them.

I wish I would have known that if I would have taken the initiative to talk with people and made them feel comfortable, they would have been nice to me.

I wish I could have had the guts to not be embarrassed about my parents.. and that I could have thanked them for all they did for me instead of feeling like they were out to get me or make my life miserable.

I wish I would have gotten along better with my siblings.. instead of trying to get rid of them all of the time.

I’m glad I:
Chose good friends, those who didn’t drink or do drugs

I’m glad I had parents who cared to know who I was with and where I was at all times

I’m glad I hung around people who were creative in our outings – like playing hide and seek in the grave yard, and box sliding down the hills on the opposite side of the highway.

I’m glad I went on church retreats, and shared my heart and explored my relationship with God.

I’m glad I was on the swim team and competed and did well at the state level and won an All American award for the relay.

I’m glad my parents woke me up for 5:30am swim practice and drove me for 2 years straight

I’m glad I took home economics and learned how to cook and sew

I’m glad had the summers off and joined the local swim teams.

I’m glad I got extra tutoring in Algebra and Economics

I’m glad I met kids from other high schools so I wasn’t completely dependent upon socializing with the kids at my high school.

I’m glad I studied hard in my hardest classes and realized that I was pretty smart when I put forth the effort.

I’m glad I had a car my senior year

I’m glad my best friend had a car our Junior year!

I’m glad my best friend’s brother had a car our sophomore year!

I’m glad I went away to college and went to a school where they have great school traditions.

I’m glad I’ve mostly had the courage to be myself and that I’ve always had the desire to improve and get better.

I’m glad I’ve always valued the most important thing in the world which are the relationships in your life.

Anyway.. always feel free to bounce things off of me.. I’ve been there.. I remember… and I’m always glad to help!”

I did it! I did it!!! I did it!!! I finally ran my first 5K!!!

Okay, composure…… I finally did it. And I’m relieved.

This past weekend, I finally overcame a fear of being a runner and lined up with 3200 other runners in Winter Park. Three miles isn’t that intimidating, but if you haven’t been practicing, then it’s not easy. It’s not even easy if you HAVE been training, if we’re being honest.

The morning started out at 6am and I have to admit, I was a bit tired from a fun girls night out the night before. I was careful not to drink much alcohol because I know the feeling of being dehydrated after a night out. But my husband and I had to get our son ready to go and be there for the start at 7:30. I arrived at about 7:20, and as a result of getting there so late, I was able to start the race relatively close to the starting line. I just hopped in and joined the people. As it turned out, I ended up right in front of a childhood friend who was running with her family. I blurted out the time I was hoping to achieve and she did the same. (she ended up beating me by about 30 seconds I found out later!)

When the race started, it took several seconds to get things going but the second my feet passed over the timing station the race was on! People spread out and got into their pace. Because there were so many people, it was a sea of people almost the whole race. Several times I smiled to myself, because I was competing in the race, I was overcoming a fear and actually had prepared and had entered the race.

During the run, people were constantly passing me and I sometimes passed others. I’d see some that I’d pass when they stopped to walk and then I’d see them passing me later. I ran past some unbelievably fast race walkers and I told one man that he was incredible and inspiring! He mumbled back between breathes that it wasn’t easy race walking with such a big crowd.

Hearing the pattering of the feet reminded me of children in a school hall scurrying back and forth between classes. I didn’t hear many conversations going on, heard some music over headphones, and some people breathed hard while others didn’t seem winded whatsoever. I remember singing to myself some favorite country songs, thanking God for this moment that I was experiencing, and also hoping that my body would remain strong throughout the race. I was cold in the beginning of the race but soon turned heated and sweaty, but I did feel pretty strong until the last mile. The last mile was fairly tough for me and I kept wanting to stop but thought about laying in the hospital bed years ago while having my baby and not being able to get out of the bed for a whole month; and I decided that this pain was a lot better pain than not being able to move my legs and walk after I got out of the hospital. This pain was also a better pain than after my knee surgery a few years ago. So, I kept thinking that I had handled worse before, and that I needed to just stay the course, and put one foot in front of the other. If I did that, eventually, I’d reach the finish line.

I realized that I made this race much bigger in my mind than it was in reality. In reality, it was just a fun run, something to do on a Saturday morning with friends and family. But to me, it was so much more. To me, it was saying, that I had found the courage to do something that I knew I probably wasn’t going to be good at but still wanted to do. For me, it was having to face my team mates day in and day out, who are old pros and who probably didn’t understand my unimpressive endurance during practice. For me, it was stepping up to the plate, even though I wasn’t 100% sure I could do it.

Now that I’m beyond the intimidation of the other runners and had my mental breakthrough, I can say that now I am a runner myself. I may not be good yet, but I now know that I can do it. My fellow DAWG friend Howard (Hi Howard!!!) asked me today if I was going to write about this, and so I knew that I had to. I wanted to put it in writing to hopefully share with others, that reaching a goal, isn’t always easy, especially mentally. Sometimes, you learn more about yourself on the path to the goal than you anticipated. And sometimes you tick others off while you’re learning the ropes. But the advice that I’ve gained from all of this is that sometimes you just have to shut up and stop talking about it and just do the work.

Then, over time, you’ll reach your goal. And after you reach it… guess what? You’re off and running to the next one! (like getting legs like Howard’s girlfriend Adele!!!)

The days are counting down. I committed to running a road race after joining a running team back in September. I’ve trained and I’ve visualized, and now, I’m counting the days.

My goal is to finish. I don’t even have a time that I’m shooting for at this point. I just want to start and finish the race without stopping and walking. It’s only a 5K and millions and millions of Americans have run in races like this, but I never have; and for me to get to this point, it’s truly been a journey.

Back in September, I saw a bunch of eager runners meeting at the YMCA. They all had beautiful runner bodies, the type I’ve always longed to have. They looked happy and I knew that they were high on the fact that they had disciplined their bodies and their minds and because they each had a connection with each other through running and being fit. I wanted to be a part of a group like that, but I didn’t have the courage by myself.

The leader of the group wouldn’t allow me to think like that. John told me that I could do whatever I set my mind to, and that he promised to lend support. I accepted the challenge and joined the group. The first month I was up to running 5-7 miles and he told me to stop pushing myself so hard, that I was going too fast and that I’d end up injured. He was true to his word and on my 7 mile run, I strained a muscle. I then took off for a few weeks and then it was hard to ease my way back into it, but slowly I did.

I’d love to say I’ve been an easy “coachee”, and that I took to running like a fish takes to water, but mostly it’s been a mental struggle with me. I wanted to push myself hard and work out every day, but I kept coming up with excuse after excuse of why I couldn’t do it. Either I was injured, or I was out of town, or working, but I kept finding excuses of why I couldn’t run. Somehow, I kept sabotaging myself and I didn’t know why. Finally, one day I was running the track with a very successful, long time marathoner on my team about how he “hit the wall” during one of his marathons 50 yards from the finish line. He shared with me that his body stopped working, and that he fell against a fence which held him up until he recovered and then he stumbled to the finish line. At that moment, I realized then that when I was younger and on the track team, I also “hit the wall” one day, became dehydrated and even though my mind would work, my legs stopped working. I literally couldn’t move my legs. It was if I was in slow motion and my body just stopped.

I didn’t know that “hitting the wall” was something that can happen to anyone. I just thought from that point on that I wasn’t a runner. I thought that I wasn’t cut out to be a runner and that my body wouldn’t perform to the level that I wanted it to. Therefore, going forward I based my physical performance based on something I learned as a 9th grade student and that particular mindset held me back even as an adult. As I thought back over my high school swimming days, that held me back when we had running workouts. The crazy thing was, was that as an elementary school student, I was always one of the fastest girl runners in the whole school. Year after year, I placed as the top athlete in every athletic activity, including running. I even have a trophy somewhere in a box that I should get out to remind myself that I am a good runner!

When I realized that I had one incident from over 20 years ago that was adversely affecting my mental game when it came to running, I finally realized that I’m on my own path, and that the only way that I could break out of this negativity was one day at a time. My coach has now challenged me to build up my endurance by running 3-4 times a week; 3-4 miles a run, which I’m now doing. For Christmas, I received new running clothes and a watch which is making me feel more and more like a runner. Finally, my runs are getting easier and faster, and now, I’m about to sign up for my first race as I promised to myself.

It’s been a long journey to get to this point. My coach has given me a challenge that I believe that I can achieve and that I am committed to achieving. I’m taking baby steps and not overwhelming myself right now with signing up for a ½ a marathon or a marathon right off the bat. I’m building a base of strength and endurance, and as I grow in my strength, my confidence will continue to build.

I see how endurance takes time and that through one day at a time, I build strength. I see how easily we can defeat ourselves by being afraid or by holding a negative belief inside our minds.

On January 20th, I’ll be lining up with hundreds of other runners to do a 5K; which for them, will be a competition with others to see who goes fastest. For me, it’s a huge win for me to show up and finish; because now, I realize that I’m on the way to doing something that I’ve wanted for so long, but didn’t think I could do. That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me.

So I’d like to ask you… do you have any beliefs about yourself that are holding you back? Do you have something that you really want to do but you’re not sure you can? Do you have any fear standing in your way?

It’s time to rewind your mind, and review the view, to see if you’re the one standing in your own way. The answer may surprise you. And if you discover, like I did, that the reason for your failure was something you believed long ago, it’s time to rediscover your strength and create a new destiny, of you succeeding and achieving your dream.

What a joy it is to be walking through a park or open field these days. The trees! The blue sky! The scenery! THE POOP? Oh yah! You know what I mean!

While urban sprawl continues to expand, the actual space we have to roam freely in the woods gets smaller and smaller. Many of us still love to enjoy the outdoors and feel a certain kinship with the outdoors. We love to bring along our dogs for a romp in the park or a game of Frisbee. And then it happens! We step in an unsightly mess of.. DOG POOPY!!

Nothing stops a person in their tracks quicker than that!

I especially love it when my little boy has been in the park and tracks home this wonderful scent right into my living room floor. I can only imagine the bacteria which is being spread across American homes when they drag in the crap with them. Leave it to the mommies of America to clean up their carpets, the crusted and caked shoes, and wherever else the trail leads.
I am ANGRY about the selfish dog owners who don’t “Curb their dog”, as we say in New York! I’m a dog owner, and my dog poops between 2-4 times a day, and we have a plastic bag ready to go at all times! The grocery store provides FREE ones when you buy groceries! There is no excuse!

Yes, it’s disgusting! Yes, it’s warm and mushy and stinky! (I always make sure there are no holes in the bag first of course! If there are leaves around, I also pick those up first to protect me from any leakage!) But…SO WHAT! IT’s YOUR DOG. And if you don’t pick it up, someone else is going to experience your dog’s CRAP and it ain’t going to be pretty then either! Think about it… people have toilets, but dogs only have.. YOU!

My husband and I live in Baldwin Park in Orlando Florida. It’s a beautiful community with million dollar homes, beautiful town homes, a down town area, and unfortunately, a few selfish dog owners. We’ve spotted one young woman with two large dogs including a German Shephard, who lets the dog off the leash to play every day. We’ve approached her a few times about picking up the CRAP after her dog and her excuse is really great… “I only had one bag”. Then my husband said: “but you have TWO DOGS”. We later watched her dog walker who also didn’t pay any attention after the dogs left two enormous piles behind.

We’ve complained to the home owners association and we’ve complained to the rental offices. We are requesting that a fine be enforced for any dog owner who doesn’t clean up after their dog. We also want to have signs put up and plastic bags available so there is no excuse for “only having one bag”.

I suggest to those of us who are angry enough to do something about it to REVOLT! If the traditional way of politely asking people to clean up doesn’t work, or getting the community to add signs and bags doesn’t work, then I suggest we follow the unsuspecting dog owners home and later deliver a package that they WON”T forget!!

After all, it is theirs… and as good citizens we don’t want people to forget packages that they left behind! Once that starts happening, the people who left the packages behind will either complain to management, try to retaliate but will never find out who did it, and ultimately, know that people are watching and start cleaning up after their pets.

So watch out people! A revolt is coming and if you’re one of the few guilty people out there, we’re going to retaliate so you learn to clean up after your pet!

Just be sure and watch your step when you come out your front door!

After suffering another incredibly stressful morning trying to get my 5 ½ year old son dressed, I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be other families who go through the same frustration every morning. Most just wouldn’t believe that we have it different than anyone else who has young kids. When I’m talking to someone about Jeremy, my stress shows but the explanation is too long so I don’t usually elaborate. Their usual answer is “sounds like a typical 5 year old”. I guess I’ve grown used to that. What is harder is to hear from other people who are trying to be helpful that we have a “discipline problem.” They offer their typical advice of how to reign a child in and get them to behave.

The fact of the matter is, is that he is NOT a typical 5 year old! Oh, Jeremy loves to play instead of work, throw rocks and finds an empty box utterly fascinating, but the day to day events of our lives, the usually mundane things, are stressful and incredibly different.

This morning was supposed to be a lot of fun. We all woke up early to take a trip to Miami to see my husband’s family. It’s a 3 day weekend so we wanted to get an early start on Saturday morning so we could enjoy the afternoon in Miami. My husband got up and made coffee, I wrapped about 6 gifts that we’re bringing and Jeremy started pulling out clothes and toys he wanted to bring.

I encouraged him to bring the clothes and toys into his room but instead more and more toys got dragged into our living room. When it was time to sit down and eat his breakfast, his favorite of ‘waffles and cream’, the battle started. Normally, a good tactic is to put a clock in front of him so he can see how much time he has. Today we didn’t do that because we were not thinking about the exact moment we had to leave like we do every day for school. That was a BAD CHOICE on my part. I should have showed him the exact time he needed to have eaten and gotten dressed by. Then we should have marched out the door. Unfortunately, we had to pack our suitcases and pack the car.

When Jeremy got to the table ate a few strawberries and milk and got up. My insistence of him sitting and eating finally got ugly after about 15 minutes. While I was running around trying to get everyone ready to go out of town; I continued to put him back in his seat and demand that he eat. I sat with him for about 5 minutes and he didn’t eat. I told him he could get a star for his chart if he ate, and got dressed. He started whining and crying so I took a star away from his chart that we’ve created. On one trip to the bedroom he started playing with a tractor. When I found him again ( I was now taking a shower) he wanted to bring the tractor to the table. I told him NO and to get back to eat. He was screaming and crying because now he wanted the tractor and then he said that “you are the only mommy in the world who is mean to me every day”. That is when I told him that if he said that one more time he would get his mouth washed out with soap. (This works wonders for those awful things that kids tend to say sometimes!) (If I could live without ever doing anything drastic like this, I would!!!)

That stopped the complaining about how “mean” I am but the whining continued. I had to finish feeding him myself in between his tears. He finally finished eating after about 45 minutes.

Next, getting him dressed was no easy feat. The first shirt I put on didn’t feel comfortable. This was a brand new pre washed long sleeve t-shirt from Osh Kosh. It’s darling, but unfortunately, new clothes rarely stay on my son. He prefers old and soft. Many of his very favorite clothes and shoes have spots and tears, but they are the only ones that I can get him to stay in. This morning was no different. I put on Gap underwear, Osh Kosh Jeans and the Osh Kosh t-shirt. After he was completely dressed, he started screaming and wailing about the shirt being too small and the pants being too big. So, off the clothes came! And it wasn’t just a calm, “mommy I’m taking off these clothes”, it was a screaming crying whining fit accompanied by throwing his clothes across the room which landed on my husband’s face as he was walking across the room. At least today he didn’t RUN when it was time to get him dressed. That is the typical scenario. He races across the room when it’s time to take off his pajamas or time to get changed any time. I can’t figure out why! I don’t know if that is his body having an automatic reaction to change, or if it’s a behavior issue. But it’s something that we want to work on in occupational therapy.

Because I already know the drill, that nothing I can say or do will make him keep clothes on when he doesn’t want to wear something, I went to the drawer and brought out the old favorites. The yellow long sleeve t-shirt with the #63 and the army looking pants that are soft and comfy. If you see Jeremy out of his school uniform, this is more than likely the outfit he’ll be in.

I think of all of the hundreds of dollars that I’ve wasted by buying clothes that don’t quite feel right. I think of the dozens of pairs of shoes that he has kicked and screamed about. I have thrown out piles of socks that just didn’t have the seam in the right place. Getting Jeremy dressed to go anywhere, is a struggle nearly every single day.

Recently, the school had a second hand sale on uniforms. I felt like I struck gold by finding the oldest shirts in the school. To me, that means, the SOFTEST and that is perfect for my kid! He is 5 years old, and he wants to wear size 12 shirts. They are big and don’t cling to him. Also, discovering the GAP undershirts has been a miracle in our lives. My friend Diane has a red head boy (I believe red heads are more sensitive) and they recommended the GAP undershirts.

I remember trying to get Jeremy dressed at age 2 was no different than now. He went to the Montessori school and because it was pre-school, they weren’t particular on the time we arrived. Many, many mornings Jeremy would fight and scream when I had to get him dressed. He would have been perfectly happy staying at home watching TV all day. He would be completely happy just doing that every day of his life. But, fortunately for him, he has two incredibly active parents who rarely ever sit around and watch TV. We have our traditional “Friday night movie night” but we don’t watch TV much during the week.

Jeremy does get to go to After Care at school if he’s had good behavior the day before. There, they run around the fields, play ball, climb on the jungle gym, have snacks and play with their friends. He loves it! I find that it’s the best place for him since he races the kids and exerts more energy there than anywhere else. The hardest part is when it’s time to go. What else? He runs away! My mom has found it completely embarrassing because he doesn’t pay attention when it’s time to come. He just continues playing and then runs to the other side of the field where he can’t even hear us yell for him.

By reading books like “The Out of Sync Child” and talking with other mom’s I’ve found a few things that work in this situation. First of all, when you get there, allow the child 5 minutes or 10 minutes to play. Tell him/her that he has 5 minutes and then it’s time to go. For Jeremy, he then gets time to transition to the next activity. And the expectation is set. Our new rule is that he is able to achieve a star for his chart at this point. If he comes immediately after the 5 minutes is up, he can get a star for that which when added up every day can determine whether or not he gets to go to after care the next day. He needs to get 5 stars a day – for getting out of bed quickly, for eating and taking his plate to the sink, for making his bed, for getting dressed (almost) by himself, brushing his teeth and hair, etc. He has the chance to earn 3 stars in the morning. Several of the above list is combined into one section for instance: putting dishes in sink and making bed = one star.

The chart system is working for us pretty well. He gets stars taken away for negative attitudes or whining. One day he ripped all of the bad and the good extra stars down. He didn’t realize he also ripped the good ones down. Jeremy can earn EXTRA stars for having excellent behavior like the day he had such a great attitude one morning. I was so pleased and so proud of him that he got to go to After Care that day even though he didn’t have enough stars the day before. The extra stars can accumulate to 20 and then he gets to go to Toys R Us to buy a toy. So far, he has only a couple of extra stars for good behavior.. and believe me.. I’m looking!

It’s hard for Jeremy’s self esteem to have these problems. He’s gotten in trouble nearly every single day at school. He’s come home many times saying, “I’m a bad kid, I’m a bad kid”, which really rips out my heart! The system of putting their “apple or acorn” in the yellow, or red basket brings a reputation of “bad behavior”. Jeremy has also had his apple on the teachers’ desk many times. If he gets bad behavior like this, they take him out of recess. They’ll take him out for 5-10 minutes or even the whole time! When I learned this, I freaked out! Jeremy NEEDS activity in order for his brain to FUNCTION correctly. By taking him out of free time outside, they’re just hurting the situation. I caused a stink about that at the school and I think they’ve made some adjustments. The school counselor is now involved and helping to guide the teachers in working with Jeremy. It’s truly been a collaborative effort.

Jeremy has also been slow to finish his work. We had him professionally evaluated and it was also discovered that he has auditory processing disorder. This doesn’t allow him to process more than one thing at a time. He can hear well, but he can’t focus on more than one thing at a time. It doesn’t allow him to hear people calling his name if he is immersed in another activity. Next summer, he’ll be doing a 10 day intensive program for auditory processing which includes 2 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon. He’ll be listening to headphones which somehow reprogram his brain to hear more than one thing at a time. I am really looking forward to this time to see if we can correct some of the behavior that he has.

We’ve found a few things that can work for Jeremy in regards to his behavior at school. First of all, Jeremy is OFF of all sugar. He used to have waffles with syrup every morning and all of the sugar gave him too much energy and he was bouncing off the walls! We finally realized that sugar has adverse effects so he now gets little if any sugar in the morning. We even prefer milk over orange juice since fruit has sugar in it.

Next, Jeremy has to take time to exercise in the morning. We put a mini trampoline in our living room and he bounces a few hundred times in the morning before school. If we have time, my husband will take him out to ride his bike before school or run around the field and play Frisbee. On mornings that he doesn’t get to exercise, we do see a difference.

I’ve explained to Jeremy that sugar is “poison” to his brain. It makes him react in such a negative way where he throws fits and disobeys. I seem to automatically know when he’s had sugar! When he acts like this and I know he’s not overtired, I automatically ask if he’s had sugar!? Usually, the answer is yes and so then I require him to start bouncing on the trampoline to get the energy out.

Jeremy might also have ADHD, which is a possibility since he was a preemie and upwards of 40% of preemies have ADHD. I went to one doctor and within about 1 minute he was telling me that Jeremy had ADHD and would require medicine! That appalled my husband and I was quite put off myself. Even if Jeremy does have ADHD, we’re not going to put him on medication without trying to find every other way to manage it first. Besides occupational therapy, we’ve heard of other therapies that families have used and have had great success. Besides monitoring diet, they’ve used biofeedback and also some sort of testing of the electrodes in the body to eliminate toxins. I may have those details wrong, but we haven’t gone down that road yet. Right now, Jeremy is in Tae Kwan Do 2 times a week. There, they teach self discipline, self esteem, leadership and focus. These are all qualities that I want for Jeremy.

If anyone could have told us where we’d end up even 6 months after we started down this path, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it all at once. When we first discovered it, people came out of the woodwork to tell us their discoveries and what they went through. A friend from high school confided in me about her family situation and how they dealt with it. It was hard on her husband to imagine that their kid, coming from two “over achiever ” parents, would have developmental problems. I could relate to that of course, but when she started telling me that her child couldn’t stand loud noises and would cover his ears and cry and scream, I couldn’t relate to THAT. She also told me that it’d be best for Jeremy to repeat kindergarten and at the time, it was a thought that I couldn’t bear. We’ve since determined that Jeremy will repeat kindergarten next year. Coming to that conclusion took a lot of time and was a result of visiting numerous pre schools, talking with our own principal, vice principal, other parents, his teacher and the counselor. It was our principal who encouraged us not to do anything rash. I trusted her and I kept him in school and made the decision early on to repeat next year.

Other parents of kids of SID children had other stories. One parent’s child had low motor skills and didn’t want to swing or play with other kids. That was completely OPPOSITE of Jeremy. I did meet one mom at a workshop for parents with kids of SID who is very similar to Jeremy. He’s a “crasher” and needs just as much physical stimulation as Jeremy. We laugh over the fact that we TELL our kids to jump on the couch… instead of getting off of them. So, little by little, with more reading and more talking, I found we all had one thing in common: MAJOR FRUSTRATION!

My friend from high school also had some of the same issues I was facing at home. My husband, who is a complete overachiever, couldn’t deal with the fact that it was recommended that Jeremy go on medication. He absolutely REFUSED to even consider the possibility and so this would create lots of tension. My resolve was to find a solution, whatever that was. I was dealing with the teachers and with Jeremy every day, not just in the morning or at bed time. When I took Jeremy to school, the stress stopped for my husband, but not for me or his teachers. After speaking with numerous wives, I’ve discovered that the husbands don’t believe it, or WANT to believe it. It appears that because men feel that they must be strong in every situation and must handle many obstacles in life, and that having a son that is facing problems is just too much to bear. Most of the dads of the boys with SID are in denial at first. The wives tend to have to deal with finding out what the issues are all by themselves by researching, talking and finding solutions. Many of the husbands fight the wives to the end until the wife finally convinces her mate to “just speak with an expert”. In one case I know, the father uses the excuse, “he’s just like I was” so he assumes it is okay. Meanwhile, everyone including his wife is going crazy having to deal with his child. My friend is of the mindset that if there IS help available, then she’s going to get it! In reality, many of these men are right, because the kid IS just like them… and if there would have been help for their own mothers way back when, then the moms more than likely would have taken it instead of suffering through it and of course it would have made everything easier on the child. They could have learned tactics that would have helped them manage their actions, their bodies and their behavior.

My husband finally came around when he was able to speak with the Occupational Therapist where we got Jeremy evaluated. They promised to do whatever possible to work with Jeremy to correct many of these issues. The whole topic of using medication to help Jeremy hasn’t come around for a while, but I know that my husband will be open to it if we have to do it. He’s had to deal with Jeremy while I’ve been out of town and it nearly put him over the edge.

A few times at school, Jeremy had major tantrums where he completely lost control. Even at 5 he is a very strong kid and it’s taken 2 adults to hold him back so he doesn’t run out into the street after me. He’s had to sit in the principal’s office a few times when he had these tantrums and he doesn’t like that at all. Recently, when I had to pick up Jeremy right after school and he thought he was going to aftercare it completely shook him to his core. Keeping in mind that transitions are hard for him, I knew that it would be a shock that he didn’t get to go to aftercare. He ran away crying from me and from the car. No amount of coaxing could get Jeremy in or around the car. Judy, the counselor tried to get him to come with no luck. Taylor, the 8th grader who rides to school with us in the morning couldn’t get him in the car either. Judy was concerned for his safety of course because cars were still coming in and out of the parking lot. Finally, she just came to me and told me to ignore him. Eventually, Jeremy got close to us and Judy wanted to talk with him. Jeremy refused and tried to dodge her and ran inside the car. We were both holding him down and he was kicking and screaming. She looked at me with amazement and asked, “what do you do at a moment like this?” and I said: “ I have to use physical force.” And she said: “then go for it”.

I usually warn Jeremy before I’m going to use “THE SHOULDER” as I call it. It’s a technique I got out of the book by Dr. James Dobson who wrote the best seller “Growing up Boys”. The technique works well in the store or anywhere where people are watching and spanking them would not be appropriate. It’s a quick and hard squeeze in the muscle of the shoulder. It is painful and there is no fighting back but it’s not dangerous in the least. So, I used “the shoulder” technique on him and he crumbled to the ground. At that point we could talk with him and then he got in the car. The ride home he screamed the whole time “I don’t want to take Taylor home with us”. Taylor and I did our best to ignore Jeremy and we chatted the whole way home. Later that night, Jeremy went to Taylor’s house without putting up a fight and apologized to Taylor and gave him a hug. Taylor forgave him and gave him a hug back. It was a good ending to a perfectly difficult day.

We’re really just starting on this journey to getting the help we need. I’ve discovered many successes through trial and error. I’ve found that having a chart that rewards Jeremy for his chores and responsibilities for the day motivates him better than punishment. Tae Kwan Do has been fantastic to improve his self esteem. Talking with the teacher on an almost daily basis alerting her with new research I’ve found or discoveries that have happened has really helped. Daily massages on his feet, legs, back and hands are helping the stimulation of his skin so he doesn’t freak out quite as bad when putting on socks and shoes. Teaching him to breathe himself through frustrations is an ongoing process and educating him about what to feed his body to it works correctly has helped me just as much!

Had I known what it would take to parent a child with Sensory Integration Disorder, then I would have said that I didn’t have what it took. And I probably would have been right. My stress level has been through the roof ever since I had Jeremy but in reality finding out that he had something that was actually diagnosed gave me the power back! I knew that if I educated myself, our situation would improve and indeed it has.

I’m now able to understand that I need to implement complete structure in order for him to function at his best. That structure does include plenty of free or down time, but when it’s time to do something or go some where, I put on my “drill sergeant” hat to get him to perform. It goes against my nature to be that firm, but I’ve learned that in order for our family to function, then I have to do what I have to do.

Please feel free to share your stories with me or to reach out for support. Perhaps if several of us can reach out to others to help, then others will be able to educate their spouses, their teachers and their friends.

Letters from other mom(s) -names have been changed

Hi my name is Lynn and I have a very beautiful little boy named Jason.(He looks like the little blonde boy from Jerry Maguire). My son has had developmental, speech and language delays. He is in a special day class for pre-school and he has what I feel are severe behavior problems. He will be 5 this April. I can understand his speech only 50% of the time and that is an improvement. I think he may have SID but, the O.T. I took him to said he does not have that but has mild sensory problems. He doesn’t like his hair washed or combed. Doesn’t like to wear shoes and socks. I cant take him anywhere out in public alone because I have a baby and 7 yr. old to watch over. Jared is like a land mine and the whole family has to walk on egg shells or the land mine explodes. When he is angry I have to restrain him no matter where I am. He spits, hits, and bites. I have several bruises on my body and 2 bite marks. He bangs his head into the wall repeatedly and has put holes in our walls with his head. He pulls at his eyelashes, scrapes the inside of his mouth and draws blood and bites his own hands. He is very strong but yet he falls a lot and doesn’t stop himself. His tantrums last for an hour and they are awful. Like you, I too have ignored people when they say,”that’s typical for his age, my kids throw tantrums too”. Every little thing is a huge ordeal and it makes life difficult. Do you have any suggestions? We had a behavior analyst work with him to no avail. I just don’t know what to do. We have been trying to get him diagnosed and help since he was 2.

Sincerley,
Lisa

Dear Lisa!
Thank you so much for writing!!! My heart goes out to you and I completely understand what a frustration it is to live with a child like this.

First of all.. you’re on the right track. Forever I’d talk with doctors and they’d say.. oh.. he’s normal. He looks fine to me.. but they didn’t have to live with my boy!!!

Where do you live? It sounds like your boy has similar issues to my boy. I’d do a few things.. I’d buy the Book, The Out of Sync Child. I’d get the work book that goes with it too. Then.. I’d get him evaluated professionally… we payed a few hundred $ for that.. but you can do it thru the school system. I went to a separate place that worked with kids with SID. Even tho one person “evalutated” him.. that’s not good enough. They asked ME what his behavior was like.. FIRST.. and we worked from that. It sounds like you need a different OT specialist. Your kid is NOT normal.. but the thing is.. is that he’s MISERABLE.. and HE CAN”T help it!!!

The brushing has worked WONDERS for us.. AMAZING difference!!! It’s a small light brush and you stoke up and down the legs arms and back and the feet. Every day.. morning and night.. it feels like a massage.. also a massage with lotion was really good too.. Jeremy loved that.

We also pray.. a lot!!! I’m sure you do too..b/c you can get so desperate!!! I sure did.

The occupational therapist has been giving me suggestions every week.. the biting thing.. she gave me the suggestion of sugar free gum.. THIS WORKS.. and also something to chew on .. he needs to bite.. so give him something to bite on. He needs a trampoline to jump on .. and to jump on the couches .. all the time. Take him off of all sugar and use sugar free bubble gum as a reward for doing things.. like good behavior.. then start a chart system that names everything like making bed, getting shoes, socks on by self, brushing teeth.. if he gets 5 stars a day.. give him a reward.

Exercise your kid AS much as possible!! WE got Jeremy in Tae kwan do and that is helping a ton. I told him he will be a life long athlete.. and days that he won’t get dressed.. I drag him in an hour late.. I don’t care.. HE IS GOING TO HIS SPORT. I push him now.. b/c I know he NEEDS it. He’s learning NOT to eat red dye, chemicals in his food.. and loves spinach b/c of Popeye..

It’s a slow progression.. but you’ll start seeing the changes if you do some of these things. I had my husband leave the house for a few days while I implemented these changes b/c there were holy wars going on and it was stressful for all of us but that was what made the difference. Complete structure.. I put the clock in front of him so he knows how long he can eat.. etc.. I’m firm.. but not brutal b/c he knows the rules..

I hope this helps Lisa! God bless you and FIND a NEW occupational therapist who can HELP! Warmly, Mary