I just finished watching President Barak Obama being sworn in. It was an exciting and thrilling thing to see so many people turn out and be so genuinely happy.

What I took away, is that he is going to lead us, and the countries who watch us to really start the movement of being more compassionate, more helpful and less egotistical. He encouraged us to keep moving, to keep fighting and that we will triumph!

I’m really grateful to live in a country where we are free to vote for who we want to lead us. My mother in law is from Cuba, and she’s only been back once in 60 years… because of the tyrant Castro. It’s wonderful to know that here in America we are free to make our own choices and create our own path.

God Bless America… today and always!

Today is the first workday of the year. We had a wonderful and peaceful and relaxing vacation which we spent with family and friends and even got away to the beach for a week. It was incredible to be with good friends, working out and walking along the beach. I couldn’t have asked for a better time.

So our minds were at rest when we got home on Friday and so we felt rejuvenated to attack the house and clean up the Christmas stuff along with cleaning out closets and drawers and clothes. We’ll be taking a trip to the Good Will this week to make a huge deposit!

My mind now feels fresh with no anxiety to hit the work week. I have administrative things to do, marketing things to do along with sales and customer support, but I am excited to get through these things and have a sense of calm and peace about myself and my work day.

I will keep this in mind when things get overwhelming… and this will be a new habit to integrate this year.

Stop, rest and renew… then get back to work!

It’s almost time… the gifts are wrapped.. and Santa has shopped.. and the stockings are hung by the chimney with care… ready to be stuffed!!!

Tonight, at my parents house, will be most of my family getting together to celebrate the birth of the Christ Jesus. We’ll eat, drink and pray, and thank God for our health and for our time on this earth.

Among us, are stressed out parents, brothers and sisters, kids, teens, and even a fiancé who will be at the celebration. We all live very, very different lives, but for the first time this year, we’ll come together as a family and enjoy one another.

We will be at my parents house, who are deeply spiritual people, and who live such selfless and dedicated lives to their families.. more than most people I’ve ever met. My dad is not only the head of the house hold, but a spiritual giant among us, and both he and my mom will be celebrating to have their family there, celebrating the Birth of Christ.

The older I get, the more I think about Jesus being born only 2008 years ago. When we view dinosaur remains in museums that were millions of years ago, a couple of thousand doesn’t seem like such a long time ago. And the more I understand the deep importance of being a mother, the more respect I have for Jesus’ mother Mary, who gave birth they say as a young teenager, and watched her son die a tortured death at the young age of 33.

So tonight, my dad will pray a beautiful prayer to Jesus, who we recognize as God the Son, part of God the Father, and the Holy Spirit… three in one. We will thank Him for being born, and for coming into the world to give us a new direction saving us from our sins.

Then we’ll eat, and drink and open gifts, and then we’ll all go home to wait for Santa and his reindeer. Tomorrow, when we awake, Santa will have arrived, we’ll open the gifts and then we’ll go to mass, and then we’ll spend the day playing with the toys he brought!

The rush is almost done.. I have a few things to do before the 7PM arrival time… but the calm before the storm has arrived.

Blessed be to everyone on this Christmas Eve… Bless us everyone!!!

Three years ago I moved back to my home town of Winter Park, FL. I have loved running into “kids” who now have kids of their own, even going off to college. Of course our hair is a little greyer, balder, and we might be a little fatter, but the faces are the same and their personalities are usually more developed and secure.

There are still times however, that the old high school nerves pop up, and today is one of those days!

Today I’m giving a seminar to 6 lawyers. It’s not like I haven’t done this before. Two weeks ago I spoke before a crowd of 400+ and barely had a second of nerves. But today? Two football player studs from my high school will be in attendance. And it starts in 1 hour!
Can I teach them something valuable? Will they learn something they didn’t know?

And of course the less secure thoughts…

“Will they like me? Will I dazzle them? Will they wonder… “wow.. she’s really come a long way.. or Yah.. I always knew she had pizzazz in high school!”

Okay.. how silly! It’s the content I’m excited about teaching because I’ve learned so much while prepping for it.

Still.. that little insecure side of me that is creeping up… is still there..

Human nature.. such a bizarre thing.

I’ll just chalk it up to.. I’m human!!!

Wish me luck!!!

Our world is becoming more and more media savvy and it’s now becoming imperative that each of us has a handle on how to deal with video or TV interviews. They may run on YouTube or on our intranet sites, or on local or national TV. But more and more, companies understand their need to stand up and get ready for their next appearance. It can mean millions in your pocket if you succeed, and a catastrophe if you don’t.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have been on many sides of the media. I’ve done a little or a lot of every bit of it – from anchoring, reporting and producing to hosting and to being a guest. I’ve been on everything from ABC’s 20/20, Dateline and The Today Show to QVC. I’ve come across all sorts of producers, hosts and bookers. It’s always good to have an edge so here are some of the tips I’ve shared with the CEOs, authors, experts and spokespeople I’ve coached.

Find out as much as you can about the host before you go on the air. There is absolutely NO guarantee that you’ll be able to even say hi to the host of your segment before you go on the air if it’s live, but there is usually about a minute before the cameras come on that you can actually change the flow of the energy of the interview by commenting about something personal to the host of your segment. For instance, if you know that they’ve supported Breast Cancer Awareness as their personal cause, a quick mention of it will ingratiate you to the host who may or may have not taken a hard line with you before the interview. These people are pros and can go with the flow, and that is one way for YOU to be in charge! IF you are booking the segment yourself, do the research on all of the reporters/anchors bios in advance because you do not know who will actually conduct the in studio interview.
Know your message inside and out. If you have something controversial to say, you’re probably going to be more of interest to the media in the first place. However, you are also more of a target for the anchor to show you up. They can and will pull tricks on you at the last possible minute if they’re personally not in favor of your position. I’ve seen it happen numerous times. They act extremely passive or friendly to the guest before air time and the second the camera goes on, their energy triples which is enough to make anyone jump out of their seat, and then they are on the attack. These are things that a media expert grows accustomed to, however, for a newbie, it’s extremely intimidating.
With your message, drill in your head three main points that you’d like to get across. It’s quite possible that your interviewer will not follow the original questions that you MUST provide to the producer of the segment. If you’re an author, something else might catch the attention of the anchor that may go down a totally different path. Keep in mind, you are there to inform, to educate or to influence behavior, so your goal will be to bring your answer back to your main three points. Watching political candidates will give you a great model of how to do that. They often dodge difficult questions and pound home the points THEY want to get. For the listener, this can be frustrating, but for the guest whose job it is to use that 2 minutes as effectively as possible, it is imperative that he gets the sound bites in that he or she desires.
Realize that if you’re hemming and hawing for one to two seconds in the beginning of the segment that the anchor probably will cut you off. Their job is to keep the interview engaging and informative and if the guest gets their brain stuck looking for words, the anchor will act as if the guest just said the most brilliant thing in the world yet cut you off immediately. This is why you must know your message and push it through from the beginning.
Live TV can throw anyone off if you’re not aware of all of the distractions that are likely to occur. When the camera turns on you, all you focus on is YOUR MESSAGE. It doesn’t matter if there is a bomb going off in the studio or someone starts yelling. Your job is to continue with what you are saying. This takes practice in front of a camera with obstacles happening to intend on cutting you off or tripping you up. This is not what an anchor wants of course, however, no one can control whether or not the next segment has to do with a crying baby, a yelping dog or a machine that goes off at the wrong moment.
Your job is to bring value! When a reporter starts interviewing you, you need to be thinking about delivering information that will be of value to your customers, and NOT be thinking about promoting your product or your services. If you’re good at what you do, people will find you and the producers will provide your resources to their viewers. Do NOT promote yourself in any way unless it’s for a cause and at the end of the segment or if you are asked to mention your website or phone numbers.
Look at the reporter or the host. How many times have you seen “media professionals” take over from the host and start to talk to the camera? That is an absolute NO NO! If you are the host, then you can look in the camera, however if you are there as the guest, be respectful of the rightful host and look at the host and NOT THE CAMERA!
Be clear what your intention for the audience to do is. For instance, do you want them to take action? Why? How can they do it? If your job is to influence them, then you must appeal to both sides of their brain when doing it. Do not just give an opinion. Give a statement of fact along with your opinion backed up by hard core stats. This will make you sound more prepared and articulate. Additionally, request that people take action and give them easy steps, 1, 2, and 3.
Get your point across quickly. This is likely one of the most difficult things to do. Many people are not trained to articulate their main points in 20-30 seconds but when dealing with TV, you are shooting for the pithy SOUND BITE. These sound bites can be 10-15 seconds long so it would be wise to write these in advance and practice accordingly.
Work with a media coach. This is your best chance to become more familiar with the tactics and techniques used by some of the anchors. Some people are fine when standing before an audience, yet once the camera turns on, they freeze. A media coach will size you up from your clothes to your message, and they’ll engage you in different situations over and over so when the real interview happens, you will be an old pro.

No one knows when a producer or reporter might be calling them for a tip or a statement. On the other hand, if you’re seeking press, it’s best to be prepared for whatever comes along. Regardless, we are now a media driven society, and its time to step up to the plate, smile and give it your best shot. Hopefully you’ll be prepared and not strike out, but strike gold!

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend of mine Giovanni Livera. He’s a creative genius who actually has more energy that me.. and together we could probably talk for hours and hours and solve all of the world’s problems.

After I’m with someone like Gio, I can write about 15 articles in seconds. The topics get blown up and I find so much information of use as a writer. It’s imperative that someone like me, spends time with someone like him.

He told me a great mini story about his Grandma Gracie. He said he didn’t understand it until he got older and that she used to talk to herself over and over and over. I laughed when I heard it, and realized what a GREAT habit she had formed.

When she was sewing, for hours upon end, Grandma Gracie would talk to herself and encourage herself along the way to stay focused and to stay the course.

“Come on Gracie, you can do it, you can do it. Keep it up Gracie, you can do it.”

Over and over and over she told herself, “you can do it”.

And guess what? She did it!

Giovanni, one of the most creative individuals I’ve ever met, now implements Grandma Gracie’s strategy… “come on Gio, you can do it. Good job Gio, keep going.. you can do it… you can do it…”

From looking around at the many, many amazing things that my friend Gio has accomplished, Grandma Gracie’s self talk has worked in Gios life.
And today, I’m using her technique… “come on Mary, you can do it. Way to go Mary, stay the course.. you can do it, you can do it.”

And now.. I pass it on to you… “you can do it.. you can do it….. It reminds me of the saying, “Inch by inch.. anything is a cinch”!!!! It certainly worked in their lives.. now let it work in ours!!!

Have you ever wondered how you’re going to do it? You are a lawyer who wants to make partner, an accountant, an engineer or other professional and part of your business plan is that you have to attract business customers? You’ve always detested selling, and you can’t see yourself doing it! As a matter of fact, sales people are a huge turn off to you.

Yet, you have to bring in customers!

What are you going to do?

Many of my current or former clients fit the above description. Many of them finally contacted me, a coach, when they were in trouble because they had no idea where to start. They decided that they needed help sort through the challenge set before them.

And guess what? They survived! And not only did they survive, but they thrived! As soon as they realized that they didn’t need to change their personality, become a raving fan, or over the top, they relaxed and settled into learning what they had to do.

I’ll take you through a typical client and what they learn to do.

I recently coached a gentleman that was trying to make partner in his law firm. He had been told upon his hiring that he’d be responsible for attracting business to his company. He bluffed his way through the interview by mentioning how many people that he knew and how many big cases he had worked on successfully. He didn’t mention that the business wasn’t his, or that he was terrified of calling all of the people that he knew and asking for business!

When he and I got together I asked him to start by naming all of his strengths. We went over all of the benefits that any of his clients or future clients would get by working with him. I had him post these in his desk so he’d never doubt how talented he really is in work.

Next, we outlined what sorts of clients he should secure and then wrote a list of any current or former friends or colleagues that he knew. We developed an information sheet on each of them which would be later transferred to a contact management system such as ACT or Goldmine or Constant Contact. On each of the sheets, he had write about the person. He wrote down anything he knew about them professionally or personally. These ranged from where they went to school to their spouses names, to their hobbies.

Next, we put them in order from “A” Accounts (The really big ones) down to “D” accounts (Barely worth calling) and everyone in between. When all was said and done, my client had a list of about 25 people on the A list and those were the ones that we focused on.

Those names went into the computer. We then called and got all of their current information such as emails, secretaries names, firms, etc. He then wrote a letter that was sent to each of them announcing his new position and then said that he would soon be giving a follow up call to say a quick hello. The letter was written in a casual manner, and not too formal. It definitely did NOT look like a form letter from a law firm!

Over time, my client redeveloped these people into friends. He did it by meeting them to play basketball, going to networking events with them, or inviting them to political speeches. He was able to get tickets for a few of them to different events and basically became a resource to the whole legal profession for most of them. He became a FRIEND to these individuals, their firms and as a result, guess what happened?

He started bringing in business of course! Not only that, but several associates wanted to know what he was doing and how it all started.

Developing into a sales professional is a scary thought for someone who is afraid of sales. But turning into a resource for your friends and colleagues is not only fun, but a great way to learn and grow your business.

Mary Gardner, President of Lifestyles Communications Inc. Lifestyles Communications Inc. is dedicated to helping individuals understand and succeed in the new virtual, internet and global marketplace. Mary has coached and consulted for executives, professional athletes, entrepreneurs, and individuals in interpersonal communication tactics, business communication, public speaking, and has spoken professionally throughout the country. If you have a coaching question contact Mary at mary@marygardner.com or web: www.marygardner.com or www.lifestylescommunications.com

We just arrived home from a delightful absolutely perfect Thanksgiving holiday weekend. It’s been a busy month with lots of travel for work but this was all play and no work. We spent the time with my brother and his family in Easton Maryland.

It was beautiful. The first few days were warm weather and then the cold hit in the middle of the day on Thanksgiving. My family and my brothers family traveled an hour and a half to Ocean City Maryland to spend the day with my sister in law’s brother and his family. Their home is like a bed and breakfast on the water and with about 10 kids under the age of 8 running around, the day was full of activity. We had dozens of dishes to choose from along with all of the traditional holiday fare.

Just being with my brother and his family was such a great time. Each of us must have had about 5 super long, ridiculous belly laughs a day. We laughed at the stupid inside jokes that were from years past and silly things we did and said to each other that no one else in the world would get. We talked about serious things such as raising children and how to keep a marriage alive and well. We shared our opinions and our beliefs, and we tried to find solutions to any of the problems that we were facing. We shared business ideas and successes along with our failures.

We watched the kids enjoy hours upon hours of playtime together and we pulled them apart when they had melt downs. We got to go see the cousins at swim practice and run in a 5K the day after Thanksgiving. We went shopping for Black Friday at 5am at Walmart, and we fell asleep while watching silly movies in front of the TV and the warm fire. We opened presents and saw the joy that the little ones felt at their new gifts. The older kids, the teens, contained their enthusiasm, but were equally thrilled with receiving early Christmas gifts. I made sure the whole family was outfitted in Auburn University wear, and that their two teens, who are swimmers, now own Auburn Swimming wear.

Over the week, We cooked together, we laughed together, and we shared. It was a week of lots of down time, and lots of issues were discussed and solved. Together in each of our own way, we touched each others lives, hopefully for the better.

Each time we spend time with our relatives, memories are created. They’ll last a lifetime, and the discussions and decisions that are made as a result, will have life time implications.

I’m so grateful that we have a place to go where drama is nil, and the fun is a priority. It’s a blast to not have to put on airs and to talk about what really matters most in life. It’s comforting to know that if there are problems and concerns that there is a place to really talk to figure it out.

It’s important to nurture relationships like these. It’s expensive to make the effort but costly not to. These relationships make life solid and grounded. It’s family that have known you for your whole life and who know the good and the bad parts of you, and who accept you anyway. Even when there is friction, there is comfort to know that it can be gotten through without any long term damage.

Family matters; especially in this very busy life that we all lead. It’ nice to slow down and to just “be” and to be accepted and to accept others just as they are.

I’m so glad we made the investment because truly, Family does matter!

This was part of a letter that I wrote to a good friend who is entering 10th grade in high school this year. He shared with me that he has a “thing” for a gal and he’s not sure if she feels the same. I remembered all of those feelings of uncertainty and realized that as I aged, I looked back and wished I would have known a few things. That’s when I decided to write him and share some of my “wisdom” with him.

“Believe me.. you’ll fall for so many people over the course of the next few years. And it’s funny b/c the time goes SO slow when you’re your age.. and if you date someone for 2-3 months it seems like an eternity.. but when you look back after you graduate from college or whatever.. when you’re 25 years old.. you’ll think.. oh my gosh.. where did the time go? You’ll be 25 before you know it! And you’re not going to change really from who you are now.. you are who you are… I still feel the same as when I was 15.. but I’m SO much wiser now… I wish I knew now what I knew then..

Stuff like: all of the kids are scared and nervous.. just the same as you.. and feel great some days.. horrible others… and to feel good is a choice.. that you have to choose every day to put on a good attitude.

That working hard will NOT kill you.. physically.. it won’t kill you.. and mentally.. it wont’ kill you.. and it feels GREAT to really, really work hard and do a job well done.

I wish I would have known that if a teacher sees you trying really hard and working hard.. they’ll sometimes bump your grade up for the effort you put in.

I wish I would have shared my feelings with more people… and told them they were special to me..

I wish I could have known that you can divert your love feelings and pour your energy into friendships and doing productive things instead of day dreaming all of the time.

I wish I would have known that falling in love can hurt like nothing you’ve experienced before

I wish I would have found an older mentor to talk to about all of the confusing things in life

I wish that I would have studied harder.. not just crammed for tests, and have gone for a masters degree early on…

I wish I would have known that many of those guys I had a crush on.. had a crush on me too but no one had the guts to say anything..

I wish I would have branched out and done more stuff in high school… and held more leadership positions.

I wish I would have never been intimidated by anyone.. and if someone acted ugly to me.. I could just feel sorry for them.

I wish I would have known that if I would have taken the initiative to talk with people and made them feel comfortable, they would have been nice to me.

I wish I could have had the guts to not be embarrassed about my parents.. and that I could have thanked them for all they did for me instead of feeling like they were out to get me or make my life miserable.

I wish I would have gotten along better with my siblings.. instead of trying to get rid of them all of the time.

I’m glad I:
Chose good friends, those who didn’t drink or do drugs

I’m glad I had parents who cared to know who I was with and where I was at all times

I’m glad I hung around people who were creative in our outings – like playing hide and seek in the grave yard, and box sliding down the hills on the opposite side of the highway.

I’m glad I went on church retreats, and shared my heart and explored my relationship with God.

I’m glad I was on the swim team and competed and did well at the state level and won an All American award for the relay.

I’m glad my parents woke me up for 5:30am swim practice and drove me for 2 years straight

I’m glad I took home economics and learned how to cook and sew

I’m glad had the summers off and joined the local swim teams.

I’m glad I got extra tutoring in Algebra and Economics

I’m glad I met kids from other high schools so I wasn’t completely dependent upon socializing with the kids at my high school.

I’m glad I studied hard in my hardest classes and realized that I was pretty smart when I put forth the effort.

I’m glad I had a car my senior year

I’m glad my best friend had a car our Junior year!

I’m glad my best friend’s brother had a car our sophomore year!

I’m glad I went away to college and went to a school where they have great school traditions.

I’m glad I’ve mostly had the courage to be myself and that I’ve always had the desire to improve and get better.

I’m glad I’ve always valued the most important thing in the world which are the relationships in your life.

Anyway.. always feel free to bounce things off of me.. I’ve been there.. I remember… and I’m always glad to help!”

This morning and every morning, my 7 year old son and I hold hands while I’m driving him to school and we say our prayers. Every morning, I’ll pray for God to protect us, to bless us, to provide us wisdom to live as we should and for everyone in our lives including our friends and families.

This morning I got learned a lesson from my son. When it was his turn, he said in earnest, “I pray for the people in Georgia with the fires, for the people in ‘upper Florida’ and the fires, and for all of the animals who might be in the fires. I pray for all animals everywhere, and the ones that are sick and paralyzed. I pray for all of the people in hospitals, those who are in wheelchairs, and for the poor. “

At that moment, I couldn’t contain my tears. I realized that my prayers are for us, and for my family and friends. But I learned that my son, prays for animals and people that we don’t know. He’s sincerely asking God to take care of the weak in our world. I started asking myself, ‘who else is praying for these among us and how did my little boy become so compassionate towards these individuals who he doesn’t know, but who probably need more prayer than my immediate family?’

I learned a valuable lesson today. I learned that that there are people praying for us who we don’t even know. There are people like my son all over the world, praying for the weak, the sick and the hungry and these people don’t even ask a thing for themselves.

I thanked God that I saw how special my son is and that I saw inside his heart and realized that he’s one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. I learned that in the quiet moments that he has a special gift to care for others in a way that I never have but that I want to try to achieve. My son was my greatest teacher this morning, and so today, if I start to worry about my life, or about the things on my to do list, I’ll reflect on my son and his prayer, and I’ll turn my thoughts to others and not to myself. And I will thank God that the smallest among us can be our greatest teachers.